The Sustainability of Re-Membering

**All of us have an added something in our lives these days.**

It began with the destruction (of lives and of calendar schedules and of incomes and of certainty) that Covid brought upon us.

For those in the States in particular, it has included a growing collective awareness (for white people) of the racism that is inherent in our culture. (And the hatred, aversion, fear, and confusion that awareness creates).

This something that has arisen from these things can take the form of anxiety or depression or loneliness or a heightened sense of energy and a call-to-action or simply a mild sense of dis-ease. I’ve not known one person who hasn’t felt at least something unsettling over the past few months.

Amidst this something, the ability to maintain focused attention on almost anything is a casualty. For me, that takes the form of being able to focus long enough to create sensible expression over the chaotic, tumbling word-falls in my mind. In other words, I haven’t been able to write. (Or even speak eloquently for that matter.)

So I’ve been holding things in, letting them sprout and grow, and it has created this fantastic weed-filled garden inside. I feel full. Overfull. Like after a hearty Thanksgiving dinner where you knew you ate WAY too much.

What I’m going to write now is what I’m able to offer from this place. There may be a few beautiful flowers, but there will also be a lot of weeds. I hope you can see what you need to see.

Let’s start with what I feel is most important to discuss right now:

Black Lives Matter.

If you have any questions or concerns about that statement, please reference this post I wrote for Facebook. Or this source by Nicole Byer. Or just Google “why is All Lives Matter offensive?”.

Black lives have, of course, always mattered. But years and years and years of individual and structural discrimination has created a reality in which they don’t - or at least not as much as other lives.

The collective awareness over this matter, particularly here in the United States, has taken a huge swell recently primarily because of the deaths of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and Ahmaud Aubrey. However, it is crucial to acknowledge that this isn’t a new topic that came about only because of those deaths.

It is a privilege, so it has been said, to become aware of or learn about racism instead of living it. As a white woman, it is a privilege I don’t take lightly.

In the recent weeks, I’ve been doing all that I feel able to educate myself and to act. I don’t need to go into all of that, because this isn’t about what I’ve done.

What this post is primarily about is what I and we* do next. (*When I say “I and we”, I refer to white people.)

Once our attention starts to return to the siren calls of our lives that existed before our attention was captured by the ongoing struggles and fights of black people and all people of color, once the collective awareness gets seduced into something else, once we start clinging for the return to some normalcy we feel we lost as the pandemic began, once the media finds a new story and social media starts to revert back to what it was a few months ago.

What then?

There is something that feels so crucial to me about this awareness and current movement, a key component that needs to be integrated into white persons’ mindset and actions.

Sustainability.

It would be quite easy for those of us with privilege, those of us who benefit from the current systems, to slip back into our old routines. Not that that was ever a good or even acceptable option, but it certainly isn’t now.

There is something that Malcom Gladwell wrote about in his book, The Tipping Point, in which he discusses the “tipping point” as “that magic moment when an idea, trend, or social behavior crosses a threshold, tips, and spreads like wildfire”. I’m not sure “magic” is the word I’d use to describe our current situation, but it does feel like a tipping point in which our social behavior around anti-racist beliefs and ideals certainly feels like it is spreading now like wildfire. This is a wildfire that needs to keep burning.

That being said, it is not sustainable for most of us white people to keep our actions as they are.

I walk a tightrope in my mind and in public conversation with this acknowledgement.

There is a loud voice within that screams that it is unacceptable to do anything else BUT devote my life now to helping black people, people of color, to devote myself to learning, to protesting, to fighting, non-stop. It is SUCH a privilege to even be able to CHOOSE to do otherwise, and I feel as though I drown in guilt if I even think of turning my attention or my Facebook posts away from the fight that is LONG overdue to be fought and won.

And. (I slink back into my guilty shadows and whisper this…)

And. I will not survive in that fight. I will hit a wall of exhaustion and give up. (how NICE it must be to have that choice, no??) I will hear the calls of other things in my life that feel important, be reminded of the storylines that existed before they were permanently altered (thank God) by the attention towards Black lives. Even if it is horribly wrong and harmful, I will drift away from the fight.

I know that forgetting about the inequities (such an understatement) and suffering (still an understatement) of Black people and people of color is not an option.

I know that devoting every post, every book I read, every podcast I listen to, every event I choose to attend to supporting Black lives is not an option for me. (I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.)

So the choice is somewhere in the middle, and it must be choices that are SUSTAINABLE.

This will look different for every white person, but I implore you to explore what it will look like for you. DON’T FORGET THIS, and don’t lose your self in the process.

Of note:

I’ve been back and forth on how and what I share for so long. I’ve been reminded, rightfully so, that this is NOT about me and my feelings. I’ve had the luxury and privilege to speak up for decades. I’ve been reminded that just sharing some things on Facebook and writing a whole bunch of stuff isn’t enough. That it requires action, protesting, donating, voting, …

And/but.

What I have learned to do is to explore life through awareness. That awareness is inextricably woven into my perspectives, my stories, my beliefs, etc.

What I have learned to do with what arises from that awareness is to share, sometimes through pictures, sometimes through words.

I’ve never been an “activist”, even over those things I’ve deeply cared about. I’ve never been one to work with a politician, to go on strike, and so on.*

(* Yes, I have seen and appreciate the permission given by several posts that are now circulating, acknowledging that we can all contribute to the movement for change for Black people in various ways.)

(** I am deeply grateful for those change-makers who do devote themselves to these things.)

Keeping in mind who I am, the strengths I’ve developed over the years that contribute to the well-being of others, and the need for sustainability of my actions, I have had to make a choice.

Not a right choice, because there is no right choice. Just a choice.

That choice is to continue to fight for awareness of and equity for Black lives through my white lens.

That choice is to add my voice in hopes that it will be an accessible one for other white people. I want all white people to listen to Black people, to the voices of people of color, and if I can be a gateway that helps them to do so - great.

I speak ONLY to my experiences and my ignorance and what I am learning when I do so.

I will continuously redirect to and amplify the voices of Black people and people of color, those from whom I am learning, those who challenge my own understanding. Yes, my voice is not the one that needs to be loudest right now, but it is the only one I have.

I will continue to share stories on social media of Black people and people of color, to explore the history most of us white people were never taught.

I will begin to return to some of the storylines I had prior to my 100% attention on Black lives, because I feel they are of crucial importance as well.

Stories and teachings around our ideas of breath, mindfulness, meditation, awareness, creativity…. These things are important in and of themselves. I also know that their practice can contribute to the growth of one’s mind and ability for empathy and compassion.

Through that growth, the historical and present lessons around Black lives become more accessible to white practitioners.

Through that growth, I hope that our conversations can become more honest, more open, more vulnerable, and less defensive, attacking, and hateful.

I will continue to have conversations - at every appropriate opportunity - with my teens and my husband, as well as with family and friends. I’ve already learned these conversations can be excruciatingly difficult, but it is NOT an option to avoid them any longer.

FAR more of my learning will now be focused on the stories, history, struggles, and creative joys of Black people and people of color. Switching to podcasts that will educate me, books written by those who have had the experiences, and being more mindful of my purchases (directing more towards Black-and-People-of-color-owned businesses) - knowing that where my money goes, so does my support.

All of this I share not for any accolades (or anger) over what I am doing individually, rather, as an example for any other white person who is looking for one way to stay aware and involved without burning out. One way. There are millions of ways, just as many ways as there are individuals.

The important part is to STAY aware, to stay involved, to always be learning.

I’ve told my students before that “you are what you re-member”.

You are always changing - your physical cells, your thoughts, your compositions, your environments. With each change, you bring something back into your “self” - you recompose that self. You have all of those parts, or members, that make up that self (the thoughts, the physical components, etc) … and with each change, you re-member (bring back into the self the same or a different part or member).

You have far more choice in your re-membering than you realize.

Each moment, you co-create (with environmental influences, with other people and their desires and actions) the reality in which you live.

Influences around you have recently pushed your awareness towards the stories around Black lives, towards our systems and structures that harm and discriminate against them. (Again, I only speak to white people who have had the privilege to NOT have this awareness, or to let it rise and then fall away.)

In this next moment, tomorrow, next month, you have the choice what you will re-member.

(Because we are all in this together, because our lives are tightly woven together, what YOU re-member becomes part of what we all re-member. The parts of you are parts of us.)

What will you choose? How will your life look because of those choices?

Lisa WilsonJune 7, 2020Comment