For years, I've been searching for that "ONE THING". You know, the one thing you are told over and over that you are supposed to find. That one passion that will unlock all of your happiness. That one tagline that will sum up your business and everything you do and stand for. That one look that you maintain throughout Facebook and Instagram and your closet and while you shop at Target.

I remember one time not too long ago when I veered off path from my one way of being. I had decided to rather drastically lighten my hair (because why not). My children, who had never known me as anything other than a brunette, frowned when I walked in the door. I said, "what, you don't like it?", and my child replied, "You just don't look like mom.".

I’ve thought repeatedly that I’ve found it … that one thing that I’ll be able to carry with me throughout the rest of my days. And then it stops fitting. (I’m back to being a brunette.)

I’ve become exhausted by the hunt.

***

I'm coming to accept that consistency is highly overrated.

Tracy Verdugo recently posted this on Instagram:

“Living life in the moment, posting on a whim, whatever lights me up on this glorious journey I’m on. I actually thought that’s what Instagram was about before everything became so much about “cohesive content”. I mean some of us are naturally that way like my baby girl @princesscece.png but me..... I try, but I can’t stop being distracted by shiny things or giving you my real self in real time. No apologies.💙💫”

This had me shouting YES out loud (not kidding). It's quite inspiring knowing that you aren't the only one who feels a certain way.

***

My overarching story-line is something along the lines of awareness + inclusiveness + expression fo all of life’s experiences - all the moods, emotions, thoughts, experiences, roles, secrets, dreams, creativities, etc. This is life (and death).

I could add a cohesive filter to all of these things, but that defeats the point. These things are supposed to be messy and different and unique. We get to experience all of the highs and lows of life, which gives it the richness that we crave.

I'm constantly trying to explain how this being and showing your diverse self is so important - that for too long, we've compartmentalized our lives and added filters (in person and online) to make them look all pretty.

Human life isn't like that.

Great to know, hard to follow.

I'm totally aware that this lack of cohesiveness is probably hurting the growth of my online following and possibly, the success of my world work.

People subscribe to learn about encaustic painting. I then start talking about mindfulness while washing the dishes, then spend an entire week posting photos of my son's tennis match wins and losses, and then post stories and photos of my boudoir photo experience and rant about sensuality and seduction. I've no doubts that more than one person has asked, "why is she telling us THIS??".

My story isn't just about creativity. It isn't just about mindfulness or parenting or seduction or meditation. I am all of these things - wild, boring, unscripted, all over the place, and more here than I ever have been.

The more I have embraced this and stopped trying to be or find my ONE THING, the more, ironically, I have felt more cohesive.

As a dear friend recently said, she loves the "Lisa-ness" that comes through in all I do.

Lisa-ness is contradictory and grounded and flighty and intelligent and ignorant and super-organized and messy and in awe of a sunrise and sick of the seeming triteness of that sunrise some days.

The beauty, I've found, is opening my arms, my heart, and especially my mind to embrace this Lisa-ness. All of her. And to let her flow freely in expression throughout my mundane days.

I chat about my children at business gatherings. I wear an evening-out dress to shop at Target. I write about laundry and photography and sensuality.

I create the world in which I want to live, one mundane decision at a time.

It may be confusing to some, but perhaps that is part of the charm. If I confuse you enough, you’ll have to stop thinking the way you’ve always been thinking in order to try to understand. You’ll pause, question, and maybe see me … and hopefully yourself … in a different way.

So I say forget about the one thing. Life is too expansive for that.

Look around, look within, and find your -ness.

Embrace Your Ness